Life in the battlefield

The battlefield that is my house, backyard, front yard and on occasion the neighbors yard.  I never quite realized how busy little people are, seriously it’s like 3 bolts of lightening constantly speeding through the house.  And give them little shits 5 minutes alone, yeah you only think they are being good.  So far we have had 2 dogs let out of 2 separate gates on no less that 552 occasions… and when I say 552 I really probably mean about 52.  Okay so we buy locks for said gates, the dog problem is solved but then there is nothing like a 3 year old and a 4 year old heading out the back door and 5 minutes later magically ringing the door bell…up front.  Nice.  Those two can scale that fence like they are breaking out of prison on a murder charge.  Also if you leave kids of the age of 3,4 and 7 in the back yard for about 10 minutes one night and they see up very, high a box that contains no less than 3 containers of sidewalk chalk paint stuff…they will take said sidewalk chalk and completely cover themselves, 2 dogs, and a garage in a matter of seconds.  The way these 3 get into things you would think that Jess and I never watch them.  But we do, like hawks, it’s really quite hilarious sometimes.  We have also taken to buying things in 3’s, two of the exact same color for the boys and one in a girlie color for Tori.  Because we made the mistake this one time of getting 3 things that were different and OMG you would have thought the world ended because no one wanted theirs, they wanted someone elses and someone else didn’t want to give it up.  So it’s challenging and fun and crazy sometimes but we are all having a blast.

Four

So my little man is going to be 4 and I’m freaking out.  This year he will get probably about 3 different parties, lucky guy.  I’m going to have a small one here at home with family and friends before we leave on vacation, and then on his actual birthday July 29th, we will be on the Georgia coast.  It will be our first real vacation and I’m so excited that he gets to celebrate his birthday during it.  Then when he gets back or quite possibly before we go he will have a party with his Dad.  I’m stewing up an Ayden being 4 post and quite a few others about life with all of these darn kids.

Where did all of the time go?

Lately I’ve been finding it harder and harder to find time to write anything.  Which totally makes me sad because there were so many great posts from the last month that I wrote in my head.  But now I can’t seem to remember a damn one of them.  Life around here is crazy which is totally putting it lightly.  A almost 3 year old, a almost 4 year old and a 7 year old who thinks she’s 17…makes for some really interesting evenings.  The kids are getting along as well and kids their age can be expected.  They have their moments but for the most part they are doing well and playing 24/7.  It’s fun.  This summer will be great.  I have 2 vacations planned.  One to a little place on the coast in Georgia…for a week..ONE FULL WEEK at the ocean.  So excited.  The other for a short 4 day trip over to Atlantic City with stops to every winery we see along the way.  It will be great fun. 

Family of 5

It’s been awhile since I’ve had much to say.  Okay not really that I haven’t, just that I haven’t had time.  Life went crazy for a second.  So my relationship with Todd is now over and I am totally good with that.  Relieved actually.  I feel like I have a fresh start and that I can be who I really am and that I don’t constantly have to walk on eggshells.  That’s a fabulous feeling.  Also my best friend ever, ever moved home.  Along with her 2 kids and all of their stuff.  Which is now strewn about the house and has completely taken over my garage.  And I’m totally okay with that too.  So I moved one out but gained 3 that I wouldn’t trade for the world.  She’s more than a friend to me, she’s like my sister and we can co exist well together.  We both need a fresh start and some change and we’ve always been good at motivating each other, so this works for me.  It might not work for everyone and I can completely see how it wouldn’t but for us it’s good.  Plus, she brought me back a case of wine from Texas.

Changes

I swear my life totally cracks me up sometimes.  This shit just can’t happen to anyone but me.  If you read my bog (yeah all 2 of you), you already know that I have been second guessing my relationship.  It’s been apparent at the house that I’m not really happy.  So I’ve had discussions and advised him that it might be best if he start looking for another place to live.  So please tell me why I am sitting here at this very moment and he acts like the conversation never even happened?  WTF is that about.  Seriously it was like the next day, hell even later that night, there was this strange amnesia that took over.  I just don’t get it.  It doesn’t have to be a bitter break up, not at all, he is a great guy and I truly wish the best for him.  I made the choice because I need to figure out what actually makes me happy, I’ve gone from one relationship to the next, really ever since Pat and I broke up and I really think that I need to take some time and figure out what really makes me happy.  What I truly want in a partner and what it is to be on your own with no one else to answer to.  I want to for once to be in a relationship because it is really what I want not just because I really just don’t want to be alone.  So maybe after a couple of more talks it will sink in. 

On a better note, I did finally figure out what I want to be when I grow up and I am pumped to start school in the fall and get another chapter of my life started.  Things seem to be falling into place, well until the sky falls again.

Houston we have a problem.

So tomorrow we are off to the lake until Monday.  Yay!  Well except that I just realized that I’ll have no computer and that makes me sad.  I am a self proclaimed Internet addict and well it makes me a little nervous when I don’t have a computer.  But aside from that I am very excited to get away for a couple of days and just be able to chill, no agenda, no house cleaning, just hanging out and having fun.  So until Monday seeeeeeeeeeeeees ya!!

Some people

Today I am a little grrr with some of the people in my life.  I swear I can’t stand people being negative all of the time, every once in awhile I can handle it.  We are all allowed those days where everything just seems bad and we can’t help but to be negative but everyday?  No.  Some people just want to try and turn everything into something negative, no matter what you say.  It’s frustrating and irritating, but that’s okay.  Those people can kick mud damn it

I’m looking forward to the weekend, we are all going to see my dad at the lake.  Lots of fun and chillin’ out, no agenda.  Just talking and fishing and cooking out.  We need that.  Ayden loves camping so he will have a great weekend and he loves is Paw Paw and we don’t get to see him nearly enough.  So I am excited for the weekend, for the chance to get away and for the time to be with my family.  We might even make a pit stop on the way to Carb Day for the 500, Ayden has never seen Indy cars and well you can’t grow up in Indiana without having a love affair with the track.  I still do, 29 years later, I love that place.   

 

Game on.

Today is better.  I still have a viewing/showing (what is the PC term for that?), this afternoon.  I’m not apprehensive about that, I will get to see a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a very long time and swap stories about the good times with Jeff.  I will not although be going to the funeral, I don’t do funerals if at all avoidable.  I believe that is a very personal thing and meant for very immediate family and friends.  Funerals are too… well final.  I don’t like to look at things that way.  Life is to be celebrated not mourned, he died doing something that he loved and I find peace with that.  I hope that one day his family can too, I hurt for them.  As a parent I cannot imagine laying a child to rest, there has to be no greater pain. 

On a lighter note I’ve had time to think through yesterdays events (thanks Xanax).  I’m trying to be positive and realize that changes in my life are new beginnings and each will have their own trials and tribulations.  So today I have my game face one, bring it.

The hits just keep on a comin’

So it’s no surprise to anyone that the automotive industry in the US is well SHIT.  Again no surprise to anyone that my job is being outsourced.  To top of today’s crap I just found out that my job is probably ending a lot sooner than expected.  Friggin’ rock on!!!  So a venti 3 pump white mocha with an extra shot make it snappy thankyouverymuch was completely in order.  And perhaps an alcoholic beverage or 10 when I get home. 

What’s with today today?

Kudos if you know what movie that line came from.

Today just sucks and it’s only 10:30.  I’m very blah nondescript today and I don’t much like it.  Yesterday morning I found out that an old friend who is more like an acquaintance now passed away.  He was on his bike and had an accident, very tragic.  You aren’t supposed to die at 29, sometimes the world just isn’t fair.  There are newspaper articles and in each one they make a point to mention that he wasn’t wearing a helmet.  Okay fine, but Indiana doesn’t have a helmet law.  Almost is like a slap in the face like well if he would have been wearing one maybe we wouldn’t have to report that he’s dead.  Just doesn’t seem like the proper thing to do at a time when his friends and family are grieving their loss and maybe it’s because I’m picking at things and irritated.  I can’t quite put my finger on what is wrong today, just a little of this and a little of that and I just want to go home watch a sappy movie and cry, then sleep.  Tomorrow will be better and I’ll have my game face back on but today I just can work up the energy for it.