Today is better. I still have a viewing/showing (what is the PC term for that?), this afternoon. I’m not apprehensive about that, I will get to see a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a very long time and swap stories about the good times with Jeff. I will not although be going to the funeral, I don’t do funerals if at all avoidable. I believe that is a very personal thing and meant for very immediate family and friends. Funerals are too… well final. I don’t like to look at things that way. Life is to be celebrated not mourned, he died doing something that he loved and I find peace with that. I hope that one day his family can too, I hurt for them. As a parent I cannot imagine laying a child to rest, there has to be no greater pain.
On a lighter note I’ve had time to think through yesterdays events (thanks Xanax). I’m trying to be positive and realize that changes in my life are new beginnings and each will have their own trials and tribulations. So today I have my game face one, bring it.
Some days your blog is all i need. I to feel the same thing about funerals i just can not do them unless they are family or really close people I have a hard time with them. I liked your attitude at the end because I am trying to look at the light at the end of the tunnel but while i’m doing that i’m missing everything that is so damn cool in the tunnel. I’m trying to figure out my emtions and my hurt that has taken over my body and heart. I’m wishing that i had someone to just tell me what i need to do in life because it would be so easy just to say yeah i can do that. But here i sit with the decision that will change my life forever and i think is this what I want and then i think…… HELL YEAH this is what I want and this is what I need that is the selfish part of me but my girls deserve to have their mom back the person that wiped away their tears not the person that they wipe away her tears. Okay off my soap box thanks for listening/reading