Some people

Today I am a little grrr with some of the people in my life.  I swear I can’t stand people being negative all of the time, every once in awhile I can handle it.  We are all allowed those days where everything just seems bad and we can’t help but to be negative but everyday?  No.  Some people just want to try and turn everything into something negative, no matter what you say.  It’s frustrating and irritating, but that’s okay.  Those people can kick mud damn it 😉

I’m looking forward to the weekend, we are all going to see my dad at the lake.  Lots of fun and chillin’ out, no agenda.  Just talking and fishing and cooking out.  We need that.  Ayden loves camping so he will have a great weekend and he loves is Paw Paw and we don’t get to see him nearly enough.  So I am excited for the weekend, for the chance to get away and for the time to be with my family.  We might even make a pit stop on the way to Carb Day for the 500, Ayden has never seen Indy cars and well you can’t grow up in Indiana without having a love affair with the track.  I still do, 29 years later, I love that place.   

 

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What’s with today today?

Kudos if you know what movie that line came from.

Today just sucks and it’s only 10:30.  I’m very blah nondescript today and I don’t much like it.  Yesterday morning I found out that an old friend who is more like an acquaintance now passed away.  He was on his bike and had an accident, very tragic.  You aren’t supposed to die at 29, sometimes the world just isn’t fair.  There are newspaper articles and in each one they make a point to mention that he wasn’t wearing a helmet.  Okay fine, but Indiana doesn’t have a helmet law.  Almost is like a slap in the face like well if he would have been wearing one maybe we wouldn’t have to report that he’s dead.  Just doesn’t seem like the proper thing to do at a time when his friends and family are grieving their loss and maybe it’s because I’m picking at things and irritated.  I can’t quite put my finger on what is wrong today, just a little of this and a little of that and I just want to go home watch a sappy movie and cry, then sleep.  Tomorrow will be better and I’ll have my game face back on but today I just can work up the energy for it. 

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A new addiction

So for the last few years I have dutifully paid for and held a gym membership.  I’ve went a few times, but it was nothing to skip the gym and not go for months on end.  Okay I admit there were several 6 months at a time that I didn’t go.  Not because I didn’t want to but because I couldn’t find my workout clothes, it was raining, it was sunny, I ran out of time, I had to clean house, or do laundry….or more likely than not I had to sit on my couch with my computer and eat chips.  Lazy.  For some reason I just thought that I wasn’t getting near as big as I was, we even did this biggest loser club at work and I paid my weekly fees and even paid extra every week that I gained.  So after that was over and I finished DEAD last, hell I was the only one who gained I realized that just maybe I should do something.  Then I went online because that’s what I do when I have a problem that I can’t solve, and low and behold all of these damn sites just kept mocking me and telling me that I had to eat less and be more active, one even told me that at 177lbs and 5’4 I was OBESE…obese, the nerve.  That site will totally not be getting any business of mine in the near future.  No miracle pill or anything.  I don’t look bad, I’m a size 14 and it fits well on my frame but I don’t feel good.  So I started going to the gym.  Ever.single.day.  And ya know what?  There is something to be said for that whole working out thing.  In one week I’ve dropped 5 lbs and my pants don’t cut off my circulation (as much) when I put them on.  Who woulda thunk it?  I actually look forward to going, it’s like a little game of how many calories I can burn.  I sneak in excercise at home just to make every move count.  It’s weird but for the first time in a long time I am loving to look at my body, my arms are thinning out and my stomach is becoming a tad less mommified.  I’m not perfect, far from it, but I feel better, sexier.  I love me some new beginnings.

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Maybe it’s just Spring….

I think the spring fever is getting me.  Very anxious and I’m feeling like I just need a break from it all.  It’s spring and it seems like every year people get all crazy like in the spring time, people break up, they want freedom, they want to be out and doing their own thing.  Well at least that’s how it is in my life right now.  Everyone I know is breaking up and it feels like anyday I am going to be hopping on that ship too.  I’m so sick of arguing over the most stupid things.  Seriously had an argument on Friday because I was at the tanning bed for a half an hour and on Saturday because I went to the gym at 8:30 at night.  Which turned into another fight about the computer, I’m a self proclaimed computer nerd, I can sit on my laptop in the living room for hours and be completely content.  Todd just doesn’t get that, he hates it when I am on the computer and we fight about that more than anything and quite frankly I think it’s ridiculous.  He has been testing my patience a lot more lately though and I think that it’s a combination of both of us at each others throats.  I irritate him because I get frustrated and yell, he irritates me when he doesn’t understand simple concepts which makes me crazy.  I don’t want to say that he isn’t smart at all because he is intelligent, like with being outdoors and being a guy, but not like book smart.  He won’t sit down and read ever and I am constantly either reading the news online, a book, to Ayden…something.  He just isn’t that guy that I can sit and talk politics or anything like that with.  And that frustrates me.  All of this pulls me into all of the other aspects of life and I start questioning my whole relationship with him.  I love him don’t get me wrong, but is that enough?  I don’t know, my stomach hurts just thinking about it all and I wonder if I would just feel so much better if I was just single and doing my own thing.  Maybe it’s spring…but maybe I need a break to figure out who I am and what I want.  I don’t know.

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Oh Hillary

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON, D-N.Y., PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I’m very proud that as of today, I have received more votes by the people who have voted than anybody else, and I am proud of that.

I don’t really get into politics on here but I just couldn’t resist.  Opposed to what?  Getting more votes from the people who didn’t vote?

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Back on the Chantix

Okay I totally slacked and stopped taking the Chantix….big stupid idea.  So I started back on it today, this time with an outlook not to cheat.  Cause that’s what got me here in the first place, I would think OHHHH just one will be okay.  Well um guess what?  It’s not.  Ever.  So I cheated to the point that I was buying cigarettes again, and I’m not likin’ that.  The Chantix really does help, you just have to stick with it.  My biggest downfall is being around people who smoke, it makes me want one…REALLY BAD.  Wouldn’t you know that out of the whole office only one other person smokes, and she sits right by me.  So every time she goes I have to fight the urge.  Anyway, tonight I start running again and hopefully when I’ve ran a block and I can’t breathe it will prompt me to perhaps stop altogether.

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